Some of the most difficult and underused words in the English language are “I’m sorry!”. These two words, when genuine and said with sincerity, can mean the difference in a relationship; bridging and healing physical, emotional, or spiritual canyons wider and deeper than the Grand Canyon. However, accepting blame and responsibility is hard to do. Self-preservation and self-protection are defense mechanisms, that must be overcome, before we can be vulnerable enough to accept responsibility and desire reconciliation.
Genesis 3:9-13 NASB “Then the LORD God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” He said, “I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked: so I hid myself. And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” The man said, “The woman you gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate.” Then the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this you have done” And the woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.””
The initial response of Adam and Eve’s sin and guilt was not one of being apologetic. It was a response of casting blame and not accepting responsibility (self-preservation and self-protection). Adam blamed Eve, and Eve blamed the serpent. Sin is a break in relationship. This sin caused a separation in the relationship between man and God. The only way to heal the relationship and get rid of the separation was through sacrifice and forgiveness.
In human relationships, when something has caused a separation, there must be sacrifice and forgiveness. This is initiated when one person chooses to sacrifice their own agenda, feelings, pride, arrogance, and the need to be right, to say, “I’m sorry”, then forgiveness can happen.
What does I’m sorry mean?
- It is an admission of error or wrongdoing and genuine regret of the damage it caused.
- I bear the responsibility and accept the consequences of what went wrong, whether intentional or not.
- I value this relationship more than my pride, arrogance, or the need to be right.
- I seek forgiveness.
- I value you enough to be vulnerable and admit that I was wrong.
The Power of an Apology
- It breaks down barriers.
- Adds value to the relationships.
- Heals broken relationships.
- It builds trust.
- Helps you heal by relieving guilt.
- Shows the other person that you care about them.
The Parts of an Apology
- Disclosure – Tell the Truth
- Remorse – Express Regret. This is not being defensive. Your voice and body must be congruent; saying the same thing to be genuine and sincere.
- Allow feelings – “Take It”. Allow feelings of the other person to be expressed.
- Re-build trust. This is probably the hardest because this depends on them and not you.
Keys to Success
- Be sincere and genuine.
- Don’t wait for the other person to apologize. Put them first.
- Fear will want to rob you of valuable relationships. Don’t be afraid to say “I’m sorry!”.
- Learn from your mistakes and don’t repeat them.
