The world we live in is vast and wonderful with an estimated 7 billion people living today. With that many people, one would think you could never be lonely. However, the opposite is true. Loneliness is a chronic problem that has reached epidemic levels. Loneliness is an emotion; a feeling of isolation and separation from the rest of the world. Part of God’s design for you is the need for companionship, never to live in isolation and separation from others. He created you with the desire for friends.
Part of God’s design for you is the need for companionship, never to live in isolation and separation from others. He created you with the desire for friends. He created you to have friends!
Kings Solomon was very wise king in the history of Israel. Josephus, the famous Jewish Historian writes, “Now so great was the prudence and wisdom which God granted Solomon that he surpassed the ancients and even the Egyptians … He composed a thousand and five books of odes and songs, and three thousand books of parables and similitudes, for he spoke a parable about every kind of tree from the hyssop to the cedar … There was no form of nature with which he was not acquainted or which he passed over without examining, but he studied them all philosophically and revealed the most complete knowledge of their several properties.”
King Solomon writes in the Book of Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, that ‘two are better than one’. Why? If either one of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. This is a model and the character of true friendship. Life is a struggle that each person must face where there are great times of celebrations as well as lows of failure. How we respond to these times is crucially important to our health and happiness. The most vulnerable times is when we fall or fail.
[shareable cite=”@terrylamasters”]The most vulnerable times is when we fall or fail which is why friendships are crucial.[/shareable]By design, walking out purpose and fulfilling the call that each person has on their lives, it was never meant to be done alone. It was meant to do it with the help of God and with the help of others. Who should that person be? Who should be there to lift us up when we fall? Who should we have as friends? Likewise, whose friend should you be?
Here are 5 characteristics of friendship:
A. Like-minded
“Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” Amos 3:3 NKJV
This question was given in the context of a warning of impending judgment upon Israel. This was a rhetorical question that was asked by God. In Amos chapter three, God was letting Israel know the seriousness of the judgment that was coming upon them because they chose to let sin reign in their hearts. They let sin come between them and their relationship with God.
Broken fellowship is when there is disunity; there is no longer a partnership or a sense of participation in which two people share commonality. God was telling the children of Israel and is telling us today that we cannot walk together with Him or with others if there is broken fellowship. Broken fellowship separates. Being like-minded does not mean that you have to agree with everything, but there must be a partnership or a sense of participation in the relationship for it to flourish and bring unity.
B. Friends are trustworthy.
“A gossip betrays confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.” Proverbs 11:13 NIV
This principle of trustworthiness is a deep truth that goes beyond being able to keep a secret that someone shares with you; it goes to the very nature of God. If we have been entrusted with information that is secretive, we must be mature enough not to share the information with others. As scripture states, we would be committing the sin of gossip if we shared it and would betray the confidence of the one whom shared the information with us. In this verse, trustworthy means faithful in spirit. The word in the Hebrew is ‘aman. It means to support, confirm, to be faithful, uphold, nourish. It also means pillars, supporters of the door, be carried, to trust and to be certain.
Solomon is giving us a two-fold principle in this verse. The first is that we need to be careful about who we share our secrets with. The person we share our secrets with should be one that we have fellowship and unity with. That person should demonstrate what it means to be faithful in spirit. The second is, if we desire to have such a person, we should demonstrate those same characteristics. We need to be able to nourish and uphold others in that same manner.
C. Friends love at all times
“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born out of adversity.” Proverbs 17:17 NASB
Love is one of the most misunderstood words in any language creating confusion as to what love really is. It means so many things to so many people. God is the true example of what love is and we get this revelation of his character and nature through His Word. He is love and He chose to love us, despite our circumstances. True friendship has no respect for circumstances. Friendship is not governed by circumstance, but the relationship. A true friend will not love just because it is convenient, but because they genuinely care for the individual in good times and bad. Brotherhood is one of the most endearing forms of friendship. Solomon says that through adversity a friend becomes a brother. This is so true. The closest friends are often those that have been there through the difficult situations; when you have been in your deepest need.
D. Slow to Anger
“Make no friendship with an angry man.” Proverbs 22:24a NKJV
Why are there so many warnings about who we should have as friends? Who should we and should not associate with? You become most like those you have relationships with. Those that are around you have an influence on your actions and the same applies to those you are around, you have an influence on them. This is most evident in your relationship with Christ. If you spend time with Him and fellowship with Him, you will find that you become more like Him. The same principle applies to your relationships here on earth.
“He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm” Proverbs 13:20 NIV
One thing that God detests is strife. God desires that His people be in unity, not strife, which is the outcome of anger. Strife will damage goodwill and trust. Strife will hamper progress toward goals and cause you to become self-centered. Guard yourself against relationships that would influence you in a way that is contrary to God and His word.
E. Men and Women of the Word
“Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17 NASB
Sharpening is a process that is difficult, time-consuming, and takes a lot of effort. The word of God in the hands of a true friend is the honing stone that is used to make us sharper.
F. Accountability
“and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.” Ephesians 5:21 NASB
Each of us should have someone who we are accountable to. Someone that we can share our trials and struggles with. This is harder to do as men. We do not like to be vulnerable. To open up to someone, especially another man, goes against what our culture would say and is contrary to how many of us were raised. We have been deceived into thinking that this is a sign of weakness. In reality, it’s a sign of great strength.
The term “be subject to one another” has a two-fold meaning. As a military term, it means to arrange the troops in a military fashion under a leader. As a non-military term, it means cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden.
Not only should we make ourselves accountable to leadership that God has placed over us, we should make ourselves accountable to other men so that we can cooperate and help to carry burdens. This is a delicate aspect of friendship. We should have someone we are accountable to, but we must use great wisdom in whom we chose. Those that you choose to have a relationship with and accountability with should possess the traits that we have outlined: like-mindedness, trustworthiness, a loving heart, slow to anger, men and women of the Word, and should have the same desire as you to be accountable.
Friendship is the bridge between lonely and loved, between a glance and a gaze. It stretches from the fog into sunshine, hopelessness into faith, between despair and joy. It crosses the chasm from hell and to heaven, from God to man, and from you to me. ~Unknown
As these are all qualities that we strive to find in our friends, we also should be striving to have these qualities. Friendship is a two-way street. We need to have friends, and we are called to be a friend!
